It was truly a tough decision that I made for myself to not paddle in the VicChamps Regatta due to my (right) shoulder injury. Even more disappointing for me was the fact that this was another VicChamps that I would be forced to miss. I had a different injury to my left shoulder previously which prevented me from participating. 

Having said that, I am glad that this time I decided to give drumming a go when I was asked if I wanted to try. I convinced myself - just bash that stick on the drum following the strokes' timing and echo the sweep. Just like a video game, right? 

As I sat myself on that throne, I started messing in my own head. For a while it was like this:
"This feels weird. Everyone on the boat is looking at me." 
"Am I out of tempo? Am I beating a nanosecond too early, or too late?"
"What if I said something stupid or make the wrong call?"
"Maybe I should just be silent and drum like a mechanical monkey." 
"I think I shout like a mouse!" 
"Aren't I too heavy to be a drummer?" ...It just goes on and on.

Over time (during training and at the regatta), I found myself learning to multi-task more. Looking at every paddler, listening to the sweep (or figuring out what the sweep just said), spotting the timing, handling the stop-watch, counting in my head while hanging onto the seat so I didn't take a dunk in the icky water. And during races, trying to peek out the corner of my eyes to see where our competitors were and where we were on the course to start changing calls, etc. 

I dreamt of myself drumming a few times. Nearer to race day, Captain Carlos made an appearance in my sleep, telling me to remind the team to stay in control and remember to breathe. That was probably more like a nightmare.

This VicChamps has made me realise that there is something very special about seat #1. It is beyond the "reach, long & strong, leg drive, deeper" and all of the above. 

On that seat, it was me and only me, on my boat, who could see everyone's faces. No one else could see behind them. I got to see the faces of focus, commitment and determination. I watched my teammates paddle hard. The fire in everyone. There was no giving up. Staying strong all the way. True grit.

I got to see the body language of relief when the sweep called out "Easy". Then everyone trying to catch their breathes like fish out of water for too long, which indicated that my team had worked really hard. I saw smiles or frowns as they grasped the outcome of the race. Some eyes that could not lie about their emotions - proud or disappointed, but knowing their bodies had pushed and given its all. 

There was this energy in the team, that was transferred to me, that made me roar louder and stronger. Trust the team to hear my calls. Their response in reply tells me they heard my calls, from tail to head, and head to tail. That synergy that makes us ONE. 

So, that seat is pretty special. 

Signing off after all the 'bruises', sweat & tears, like a proud mama...
T.wee